04/11/2009
Today's oneword - Identity
"It's not me, no, it's her bad body double."
Lies, it all are and always will be. It's just excuses, always, because the world refuses to let things be and we must always comprehend the nonsensicalities of society. You must know who you are. You must know what you want. You must, not may.
[cheese is the devil's plaything.] | 11:59 AM | The Insensitive Nightmare
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31/10/2009
Pictures tell a thousand words.
Because I have no idea how to tell you stuff that happened over the past few weeks except: "I hate O levels like how Nicholas hates ruffles. They make me sick."
And that I have new white shoes.
My bag for the rest of O levels. Trust it to be decorated by me.
The new PPS Club planner 2010. I love the texture. (The shiny one) The black plastic-rubber leather-esque on is 2009.
Light painting on the curtain one night. It was too far so it looked washed out.
The same light painting on the wall. Much more brilliant.
Did one on the bed. Can't really see the bed as I wanted to.
On the wall behind the bed.
The neighbours' light, damn freaking bright. Yes it rhymes.
Our light. Love how it plays across the walls.
Rad roofs of the neighbour.
I've been trying to do a study of a face but somehow I've managed to fail and make it more into a drawing. The light sources totally fail and now he looks more Mr. Pouty than Mr. Cool. So I've called him Mr. Pouty. And it's all pencils, of course. Daler-Rowney Watercolour Paper if I'm not wrong. Massive tooth, but lovely texture. Hate it when I erase and all the tooth is gone, though, like in the nose. (The part that looks like a darned scab.) It's been about one week and I've yet to shade in his shoulders/torso and the butterfly that I want to put in.
"for I have realised: without my immense smartness and megalomaniacal ego, the world will fall into chaos." - Pen
"Confucious answered the question: "Why are people so stupid?". It was his last. - Pencil
"Fancy Schmancy Lanchy Manshy." - Nonsensical idjit.
-POINTS finger & SCREAM -
confusion over confucious' confusing confucionism
...and it was all a drea. -screams of TERROR!- - Anon English HOD
[cheese is the devil's plaything.] | 10:13 PM | The Insensitive Reverie
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16/10/2009
Technicalities (for 4SA people relevant to the previous post.)
Let's establish some ground rules.
- This is my post. Everything I say here is my opinion and I have a right to voice it out.
- Those are your comments. I have every right to ignore or delete them without so much as a reason. But they are your opinions. I let the third party reading this decide for themselves what the hell is going on.
- Zong told me to write something more direct. I will.
I'm actually glad you all are responding and that Mr. Ng has found out about this. This way I know that you guys are actually still alive.
Let's do it like an English lesson.
Topic:
Being sick and tired of having taken the brunt of unbased criticisms over the past two years.
I will now paraphrase each section of my earlier post for you. NOTHING HAS BEEN CHANGED EXCEPT THE WORDING.
- I was told that you all disapproved of my lack of presence.
- I explained why I did not want to come to school.
- Assumptions regarding the reasons as to my not coming to school cannot be made.
- I was happy at the farewell assembly, amongst a sea of somewhat unhappy people.
- I spoke out loud and was rebuked as an offender that is trying to mock people for their sorrows.
- I feel like as though I've been cheated in whatever "class spirit" you all seem to assume to have.
- I was speaking out loud to Ee Siong because he was a distance away.
- I told him I needed to go home.
- People oollectively told me to do so.
- I stated that I was talking to Ee Siong.
- Arvind chooses to say these exact words: "Yah, but I'M TALKING TO YOU RIGHT."
- etcetera.
Again I must state that I do not regret posting whatever it is that I've posted.
Let's get down to facts.
- Arrogance against the class. You all assume arrogance because in the first place you all put me in a place where I cannot deny your praises. The "no lah, you all also very smart" line has been denied, so what am I supposed to do to show modesty? Burn my brain?
- Insensitivity to emotions. Having a loud speaking voice does not contribute to insensitivity. There was no intention of insensitivity.
- I do not, in any way, disrespect Mr. Ng. He is immensely respectable and I see no reason as to why that single status update shall be taken as an offensive statement. It was not meant to be offensive.
- I did not, in any way, mock the proceedings that happened today in the emo-fest. I understand that everyone has their own feelings and thus have some need to express themselves and their grief over the circumstances that might arise due to the situation whereby good friends are separated.
- In all my comments, I simply defend my stance. People were making assumptions based on things that they have seen in class during these two years. I have not, in any way, said that it is wrong to express your consolation towards your friends, nor have I said that it is wrong to have friends. I have simply stated that I am used to being a lone wolf due to the fact that very few people can actually stand the sight of me.
- Some of the comments initiated by people were irrelevant to the blog post. My lack of respect for Mr. Ho has nothing to do with the fact that I am continuously criticised by the class for having an opinion that is different.
- I understand that you were upset at my lack of presence during the peer praise sessions. Well, I intended to make up for that but seeing the reactions I am actually re-considering some of my testimonies, having seen the light of others' views and their take on things.
- I quote solo:
Stop being such a narrow minded person . But if you really think you are right , and that you are very CIVILIZED , and MATURE , and continue treating some of your close friends like dogs , im sorry but we really can do without you . Sorry .
Can i end off like what you always do which you think is cool ?
omgbenseeshivaliciousliint
I said already.
Solo, since this is a forum everyone here is entitled in his own opinion but ranting against the actions of someone does not constitute to calling them dogs. I thought someone said that they had nothing to do with this.
I do not think anything is cool. I do things because I like it, not because its cool. Don't worry, I've done without people before and I'm not going to chnage any of that if you all continue to criticise me. might as well have never bothered to reconcile the entire sec 3 incident in the first place.
- Quoting Mervin:
if you think you're so big and proud, dun come here and start insulting everyone. how the hell is brotherhood and loyalty not civilised and mature???? you tell me....
I did not in any way imply that I thought myself higher than you. Of course I'd like to insult people on my blog. It is MY blog of MY feelings. I did not say that brotherhood and "loyalty" (it IS used wrongly) is not civilised and mature. I stated that immaturity (appearing only ONCE in my post) is derived from your lack of LISTENING.
If you want me to explain anything more, or add any more flames to the fire, I can always do that.
You know I'm a person who has opinions, and I will fight a war to support them. I'm not the zen kind (like Mr. Ng) or the peacful kind (like Zong). Sometimes I think I'm the only one who is actually truley angry in class, like, the only person who expresses his anger. This is because I'm frustrated with you guys stagnating where you all are.
I understand that no one is like me. Countless people have told me this. But it is no longer about me trying to make everybody else like me. I never intended that to be the case in any way.
So please, bloody read through his thrice and delete whatever comments you want to delete, and post all your comments. I told you, if you have grouses against me, find me in school. We can talk.
P.S. Thanks for the very thoughtful insights, Adam and Zong.
[cheese is the devil's plaything.] | 10:38 PM | The Insensitive Nightmare
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Farewell (The slightly less angry edit)
Not so much of a farewell today. The only things that happened is that I got a prize I didn't know I'd get, and that I'd discovered that Mr. Ng read the remark on the paper that he was not supposed to mark but instead did! :|
Why am I always so reverse-misunderstood?
Firstly, I would like to say I DON'T CARE if you're having emo-fests without me when I ponned school. The only reasons why I ponned school was because I had art and wanted to relax, and also to provide time for me to actually enjoy life instead of mindlessly sitting in school doing nothing in particular. I did not not come to school so that I could avoid sharing your grief. Please get that into your head that these kinds of assumptions cannot be made.
Secondly, I was just being perky. Okay, so you were crying and emo and I may have had looked like a total JERK and all but that was NO REASON to snap at me and my happiness. It's almost like you have an AVERSION to happiness. I was trying to query into the source of the sadness but instead you all push that query away like as though you DON'T CARE THAT ONE OF YOUR OWN CLASSMATES IS ABSOLUTELY CLUELESS AS TO WHAT IS GOING ON. I don't care if you wrote nice things on my Orange paper, heck, it could even burn for all I care but what you SAID in the hall after the farewell assembly was BAD ENOUGH to make me feel like I've been USED for the past two years as a source of something I don't know. (Isn't that hypocrisy in itself?)
Thirdly, I was speaking to Ee Siong who was there in the fringes of the group while I was on the other side. I CANNOT SPEAK TO SOMEONE?! ARVIND, go do yourself. Seriously. Because if you don't, consider all the things you said today and make yourself wonder why on earth you even BOTHERED to reply to something that wasn't intended for you in the first place. I have a loud voice, so naturally it carries all over but all you all could have had done was to simply look up and notice, not to speak out against me.
This reminds me of the Secondary 3 business project thing whereby I had to explain to benefits of being the giant evil corporate company boss. I was explaining and you all INTERRUPTED ME IN THE MIDDLE OF MY EXPLANATION OKAY. When I did that against Darren you all HIT BACK at me. It's damn ANNOYING and IMMATURE in the first place and of course, NONE OF YOU CAN SUSTAIN INTELLECTUAL CONVERSATION.
I'm telling you I thought I've had a nice time in class with minor scuffles but this is just INSANE. I've been putting up with 4 years of madness and really, it doesn't turn out to be 4 years of hyperactivity. It's 4 years of freaking abuse.
I tag everyone so that they can SEE BEFORE THEIR VERY EYES MY FEELINGS, NOW THAT YOU ALL WANT ME TO SHARE YOUR GRIEF. OH YEAH, SHARE YOUR GRIEF ALRIGHT. GRIEF IN HAVING MET YOU GUYS IN THE FIRST PLACE.
I do not regret any course of action I have taken against you all, and I have spoken my mind.
Edited for less mature audiences, but it's a little too late now, is it not?
[cheese is the devil's plaything.] | 2:38 PM | The Insensitive Nightmare
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15/10/2009
Wasting time
What have I been doing, skipping school?
For starters, I've been sleeping.
With skipping school comes great privileges. Waking up at 8, 9, 10, 12, 1, 2, 3. It's amazing now that I can actually sleep at 2am without having the need to fall asleep in class later in the day. Wait, what class?
Secondly, I've been reading. Jodi Picoult. Actually it all started with Power of Five, then I finally got around to reading My Sister's Keeper, which the movie comes out some time soon and I have totally no knowledge of.
Thirdly, I've been yelling at people. No, not studying. Like, really yelling and shouting and nonsense. Like, anger-management problems. Perhaps contributed by fsking neighbours who leave their fail music on for the entire day, letting the world have a taste of how Pavarotti was whenever wherever whatever.
Besides that the neighbour also sings one octave down after the incident whereby he loses his voice, so very rarely do we actually hear him sing anymore.
Lately've been too tired to play piano properly. I don't know what this lerthargic-ness is caused by but if I do get a chance to grab hold of it by the neck I will promptly strangle it, even if it means running at 10pm tonight. I think I'll try.
La Sarabande is immensely difficult because of the annoying futuristic dissonant chords and lack of need of spacing in between fingering. Like, you're not allowed to life your hands off the piano until they tell you to do so. CUT THE CRAP. D:< My fingers hurt.
I want to talk about Obama's prize.
He doesn't deserve it. At least not yet. He can get it after his Precidency, but not yet, not when he hasn't done anything except talk. Of course, his talk gets him everywhere because he's the POTUS (poh-tus) and everyone is listening for him save for some poor Siberian monk stuck in the orthodox onions of Charlie and the Chocolate factory.
Non sequitur.
[cheese is the devil's plaything.] | 5:24 PM | The Insensitive Nightmare
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